I noticed something interesting today.
I hung up the phone after a conversation that left me feeling activated. Irritated. Tight in my chest.
Almost immediately, I started trying to talk myself out of it. It’s not a big deal. Move on. Why am I reacting like this? Shake it off.
But it wasn’t working.
Because feelings are data. They are not bad. They are information.
Our emotions often let us know when something happening in the present is brushing up against something unresolved from the past. An old story. An old wound.
I often tell my clients: if it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
At this point, many of them smile or roll their eyes because they’ve heard me say it so many times. But truly — most of what we do makes sense when we look at ourselves with more compassion and curiosity.
My reaction wasn’t random. A younger part of me felt provoked, and it responded the only way younger parts know how: with big feelings and strong sensations.
Often, those younger parts carry deeply ingrained beliefs: My emotions are too much. I’m too sensitive. I have to minimize what I feel to be accepted.
So instead of fighting it, I tried something different. I spoke to myself the way I would speak to a younger part.
Oh… I know this feeling. This is familiar. This is an old story reacting to a present moment. I am safe. I am here. I am not too much. I can feel this without becoming it.
Then I paused. I took a breath and looked around my living room, reminding myself of the adult I am today — the choices I now have, the boundaries I can set, what I can hold onto, and what I can let go of.
Almost immediately, the tightness softened.
It didn’t need to be fixed. It just needed to be understood.
Shira Aminov, LCSW
