I struggled to sit down and write this one. It’s not easy to look at our imperfect moments.
But then I paused and remembered: this is part of being human. Unless you were raised alone on an island, every one of us has had moments — plural — where we reacted in ways we later regretted.
I know this because I hear it every day in my office. And I know it personally, too.
My toddler skipped her nap. It was that late-afternoon stretch, the 5–7 p.m. chaos. She was irritable. I was overwhelmed. She wanted her snack. Now. Not like that. More. Here. Over there. Whining turned to kicking, complaining, and within moments… a full meltdown.
And then, I lost it. Mom had her own meltdown. My daughter froze. Scared.
If I could translate what her tiny nervous system might have been saying, it would sound something like: if I don’t yet have the tools to calm myself down, and the person who usually helps me feel safe suddenly doesn’t… how will I get through this?
Kids are resilient. Their minds and bodies will find ways to cope — sometimes in healthy ways, sometimes not. But the deeper question is: what happens to the relationship in these moments? Does it hold?
Yes. It can. Because the most important part isn’t the rupture. It’s the return.
I stepped out of the room. I took a breath. I reminded myself: by 8 p.m., things will be quiet again.
I walked back in, crouched down, and met her wary eyes before she looked away.
“Mommy got upset. My voice got loud. I know. Did that scare you?” She nodded.
“I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I think we’re both really tired. Do you want to sit together and have our snack?”
She nodded again, this time with relief. We reconnected. I exhaled. We’re okay.
When children are able to move through difficult emotions with us — fear, overwhelm, frustration — and then experience repair, something powerful happens. The feeling gets to move through the body and settle, instead of getting stuck.
Instead of forming beliefs like: It’s my fault. I’m too much. I’m not good enough.
We are human. We will slip up. But it’s the coming back — the reconnecting, the repair — that shapes the outcome.
And the good news is: it is never too late to come back.
Shira Aminov, LCSW
